Saturday, 5 May 2012

U is for Ugly Monkey.

Ugly Monkey aka Uggers Muggers.

This is Ugly Monkey. As you can tell he is a monkey and he is rather ugly. But do not despair because he is very well loved.
I wanted to introduce Ugly Monkey more to the world and felt that this blog was a perfect platform so please sit comfortably and let me tell you Ugly’s story from the semi-beginning:
During my second year of University one of my housemates came in from a visit to town and brought with her a huge selection of used childrens toys. Now as University students you can imagine we were utterly thrilled and excited by these findings and not just because it was a welcome distraction from our essay writing and casual afternoon drinking. Said housemate Becky had brought back many a wonder including one of those children’s play kitchens complete with plastic food and cups. Inside the play kitchens oven we first laid eyes on Ugly. Somewhat dirtier than he is now we plucked him from the imaginary inferno that was the kids oven and were stunned to silence by his grotesceness – everything from his facial expression which cried out mentally insane monkey to the lose thread on his outty belly button which looked like a belly button hair. He made me gag he was so ugly! Nevertheless said housemate Becky threw him in the washing machine with a few t-towels that were possibly as disgusting as him and made him slightly more barable – he was clean at least and pre the kids oven he could have been anywhere. We, on the most part, came to appreciate Ugly’s uniqueness...we took him for the cheeky monkey that he is and looked past the ugly. I would even say he became one of us...just uglier. Several days later we were dealt another blow when we found out that said housemate Becky had ‘found’ all of our new toys, including Ugly, in a skip....the find was less treasured from then on...but Ugly stayed.
I should note that there were teething problems with that Grovermauve woman who writes the Inane ramblings blog but even she has grown to appreciate something in the little devil that is Ugly!
Since that glorious first meeting Ugly has really shown himself to be a loyal companion – well travelled he boasts visits to Rhodes, Portugal, Australia, Poland, Thailand, Cambodia, Laos, Vietnam, Malyasia, Singapore, Indonesia, Ireland and several UK spots in his short 5 year bout with us.
Ugly comes out for all our birthdays, Christmas, Easter and New Year and has never said no to a party yet! I think his wild animal days are taking their toll though as during my third year at University Ugly went through a hippy phase and had extra hair which is now all, thankful, gone and he has a armpit tear from swinging around trees, hands and anything else we can get his looped arm around.
He is still going though and is on facebook so if you read this please go and add him! He talks to anyone and everyone and is super friendly – go see how ugly he really is! Go talk to him about anything – some conversation starters for you – 1) Anything about Bananas. 2) The Monkees music – he knows all their songs! Please avoid anything to do with George Clooney because he hates him and actually blames George for his ugliness. You see Ugly Monkey believes George Clooney is so beautiful and hansom because he stole Ugly’s own attractiveness leaving him like a mouldy piece of bread compared to the eye candy that is George.
Anyway that was U. Ugly thanks you and I congratulate you. You are all truly amazing to have finished reading this and looked past the ‘ugly’(especially the belly button hair) to the heart. Uggers Muggers thanks you again!
Good day to you all xxxx

1 comment:

  1. I'm cursing myself for not thinking of Uggers for my 'u' bloglet.