Monday, 7 May 2012

T is for it's not it's for Trolley rage...

...for a second there I actually considered putting up my mums secret Tiffin recipe! We like to think of her Tiffin as tiny drops of heaven because they are super yummy! Anyway to quote Peter Andre, that would have been Insania! The magic is in the way she makes the tiffin. Enough chitchat though today it is serious. Today the T blog is dedicated to TROLLEY RAGE: Investigated!
Trolley rage is a seriously serious business and I wanted to take the time to talk you all seriously about it.

Trolley rage is defined, by me, as the extroverted over confident power surges one gets when behind the handle bars of a shopping trolley.

Now consider this my friends - a trolley weighs around 20kg...apparently, though how someone actually found this out I do wonder...anyway that's 20kg of metal metalness...its dangerous! Its bad enough when you are shopping and ones trolley gets a little carried away and veers off like it has a mind of its own - occasionally bumping into things with a gentle oopsey daisies but what if said trolley were to crash violently into another human being at speed? OH NO I hear you exclaim! Oh no would be correct - if a 20kg metal shopping trolley smashed into someone well surely it would be just hideous!

Sometimes I find things hard to imagine - I am very much a 'seeing is believing' kind of person so let me share a story with you that will bring 'trolley rage' to the centre point of your mind so you are able to fully appreciate the severity of the situation:

One rainy April day but a few years past, a young man was trawling the car park for a parking spot, rain was lashing down on his wind screen as he sang merrily to the tunes on his radio. Suddenly a large Volvo began exiting a space in the very next row! Our young man spotted this with his beady little eyes and raced around to where the spot was, slipping into it smoothly as the Volvo exited. Another car flashed the young man and he waved assuming it was a friend behind the steering wheel but the rain made it hard to see. He ran inside the large supermarket and grabbed a basket to begin his quaint little shop for hummous and other nice things. 

Outside a middle aged lady with middle aged spread was fuming. The young man had mistaken her for a friend and she was most definitely not that now. You see he had spotted the space and been blinkered by his 'good fortune' missing completely the lady sat in her car slightly further up the parking isle waiting for the Volvo's spot. She had been waiting and trawling the car park for 35 minutes now and could not believe the arrogance of some people - he had even waved at her in a sarcastic manner she thought. 

Back inside our young man was prancing around the isles happy as larry, whoever larry is. He didn't have a care in the world. But then why would he? He didn't know what horror awaited him as he turned into the frozen pea isle.

Our middle age lady comes back in here. She had, eventually, found another space but as she walked in a delivery van had splashed her so she was soaking wet, dishevelled and furious (not the best combination). She grabbed a trolley and threw her handbag into it aggressively grabbing items off the shelf which matched her systematically written shopping list. She reached the frozen pea isle at the right time turning into it from the bottom she spotted him.

Our young man turned in at the top practically prancing around after finding some mackerel pate on sale. He truly was impressed by himself today! He stopped in the centre taking in all the emerald green bags of peas glistening with icicles - what a magical shopping trip this had turned out to be. SMASH!!!!!!

The middle aged lady had lost it. Standing there behind the handle bars she spotted him. She spotted the smug, in her eyes, arrogant boy who had cut her up and taken her space leaving her to become this bedraggled mess. She saw red. She straightened her nearly full trolley in his direction and she ran. She ran at him. The length of the isle allowed her to gain considerable speed and SMASH!!!!!

They collided. The young man was thrown backwards his leg run over and trampled on first by the trolley and then for extra measure by the old lady. 

I don't think I need to say anymore really. The young man was carried off in an ambulance with broken ribs and a fractured ankle. The old lady...well the old was never found. Was she humiliated by the 'trolley rage' which over took her in those few seconds leaving her to run off and hid for the rest of her days or was she immensely proud of her achievement. She had put the young man in his place, proving that she was not to be messed with. Perhaps she is still out there...seeking revenge on those who have wronged her giving out some kind of deluded vigilante justice....who knows??? But be careful out there because although this lady was only one person she is also a metaphor for what can happen when 'trolley rage' descends.

Thanks for reading my T blog. I hope it helps you out there :)

Please note: Alcohol, drugs, PMT, bad hair days, lack of breakfast and any form of argument prior to the use of a trolley could be deadly dangerous and I would not advise taking the risk. On these occasions on line shopping was made for you! Also driving a trolley while on a mobile phone is highly frowned upon by my frowny face so consider that when you next take the risk.

Many thanks and remember: 'Happy trolleys are pushed by Happy people' ;) 

No comments:

Post a Comment